The word SELF-CONSCIOUS landed in my head yesterday, and I took a moment to give it a think.
I had a teensy revelation.
Most of us use the term ‘self-conscious’ in a rather negative way, to describe someone who is “feeling undue awareness of oneself, one’s appearance, or one’s actions.” (courtesy Oxford Dictionary)
Undue awareness?
Oxford D goes on to list synonyms that are discouraging downers: embarrassed, uncomfortable, uneasy, nervous, unnatural. Yet its choice of antonym for self-conscious shines with positivity: confident.
Geez Louise.
The reason this term gave me pause is two-fold.
One – back in the day, I always considered myself to be self-conscious. And, as the dictionary tells me, I didn’t consider this to be complimentary. My self-consciousness translated to discomfort in the spotlight, uncertainty, non-recognition of my unique brilliance, and an ever-present feeling that I didn’t quite fit in. That maybe I wasn’t good enough. Yet I somehow knew there existed some other place where I could shine my magic. Self-consciousness was like an anvil hanging around my neck.
Two – wait a second. Let’s flash forward to today. If I really think about it, I am still self-conscious. But I’m also confident. And brilliant. (By the way, you are too!) I now carry this descriptor with a humble, graceful, hat-tipping ‘thank you, ma’am.’
My new interpretation of self-conscious takes the term to a more deserving, even literal direction: I am more conscious of my self. I am more connected to who I am. I try to be present, to live in the moment. I have found my voice, and I have embraced me, with all my gifts and imperfections. I am worthy. I am more authentic now than ever before.
I am more SELF. CONSCIOUS. (in a good way, alas!)
Whew. Okay. Let’s take a right turn, and shift into some fine foodery! Here’s a cheeky segue: I am consciously connecting not only to self today, but to my food choices. I am paying attention to this amazing body of mine that asks for nutrient-dense sustenance to fuel its cells. It also asks for deliciousness.
Thus, I deliver – a divinely luxurious pesto! Made with a couple of fistfuls of this gorgeous fresh basil adorning my windowsill.
Nutty-Basil Pesto
Ingredients
Handful raw, unsalted, soaked walnuts
Handful raw, unsalted macadamia nuts
2-3 T hemp hearts
2 T nutritional yeast (use grated Parmesan cheese, if you wish)
2 garlic cloves, minced
2 cups baby spinach
2 cups fresh basil leaves
2 T fresh lemon juice
1/3 cup extra virgin olive oil (or as much needed for desired consistency)
Sea salt, to taste
Preparation
Place everything in a high-powered blender, and whirl until creamy-smooth. Add more olive oil, if needed, until reach desired consistency. Season to taste. To store left-overs: spoon into a glass jar, and cover with a shallow layer of olive oil. Tightly cap and place in fridge.
Consciously devour!
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